SEXUAL ABUSE

The talk on sexual abuse has lingered on for some time now and still little or nothing is being done about it.

This undesired sexual behavior has totally become worse than a vice in the sense that, almost every girl out there has been or will still be a victim. In Nigeria alone, records show that sexual abuse has become a daily thing with the perpetrators of this heinous act of suppressing, intimidating and even threatening their victims not to speak up.

The worst part is that, 80% of people who are sexually abused are kids who are either too scared to tell their experiences or kids who are serving in homes owned by these abusers. In situations like this, they assume that everything done to them by their master is the right thing. Even when they know its wrong, they dare not utter a word. Without mincing words, the society has raised a lot of sexual perverts who are stemmed from either spoilt kids or men who felt controlling their libido wasn’t necessary. Such people grow up to become threats to the society and more so, to the little innocent girl growing.

Sometime ago, the news of a 70 years old man raping (abusing) a girl of 8 years went viral, while other people totally condemned the granny.  Some couldn’t help, but throw shades at the girl's mother for neglecting the responsibility of knowing her daughters whereabouts at the given time. Yes, parents should have a fair share of the blame as well. Some kids are totally neglected and not cared for by their parents, who are either pursuing career or money; therefore parents should be on the lookout for their kids and know what happens to them. That neighbour, that uncle; takes that opportunity to do and undo.

Parents should as well be encouraged to have as many kids as they can afford to comfortably take care of. There is nothing nice at all in having 10 kids, when you can’t even feed one with the flimsy excuse of God gave them, God will take care of them. Later on, send them out to these pervert Uncles and Aunties who do

Whatever they wish to them, after all no one is there to speak for them. A lot is happening; one has to be really cautious with our girl kids. Research has shown that Boys are not left out in this. I read a story some time ago where a grown woman who was supposedly Sex starved; preyed on a little boy who lived in her neighbourhood ordering and urging him to do all manner of nasty things in exchange for a little token. What is our world turning into?

Sexual abuse happens every day, yet people speak and write about it on daily basis. Almost every lady has or still has sexual abuse experience as a kid. Some were just attempts and advances, while others were completely abused. The reason some of these victims failed to speak up was fear of being discriminated, condemned and talked about.

Sexual abuse carries with it a long lasting emotional and physical trauma regardless of age. Victims of sexual abuse often internalize their symptoms which often lead to depression, poor self-esteem, and difficulty trusting in relationships, sexual problems and higher risk of substance intake/abuse.

SAY NO TO SEXUAL ABUSE!

LEARN TO SAY NO.

LEARN TO SAY NO.

NO. It's just two letters but it packs a powerful punch, or at least we think it does because so many of us are afraid to say it. For some reason people particularly women are afraid to say NO. They feel the need to justify their responses. We feel the need to excuse. We feel the need to sugar coat it, soften it and not offend. NO is the opposite of YES and as often as we use yes we should also learn to use No when necessary as long as it guarantees our safety and makes us do the right thing. Most times we unknowingly encourage people struggling with drug addiction by giving them money to continue that lifestyle. When you see someone struggling with these problems no matter how it hurts Learn to say NO.

A young Lady is being wooed by a handsome and rich man who is utterly bereft of manners and respect for a lady...who doesn’t hesitate to hit a lady at the slightest provocation...say NO and mean it. Why settle for less when you can actually learn a trade or a skill and in no distant time you'll be your own boss.

Are you married or perhaps in a relationship. Have you resolved initially to stick to one partner at a time and there are these beautiful/handsome slay queens/kings all over the place...some even go as far as making advances...Say No and mean it.

1.   Learning to say NO doesn't make you lesser than you are infact it disciplines you. No one will do it for you, you are going to resolve to do it yourself with determination and self-discipline.

2.   SAY NO TO DRUGS: So many people are struggling with addiction that no matter how much they try. They still find their way back to these drugs...Say No and mean it like your life depends on it.

3.   SAY NO TO PORNOGRAPHY: Some people are curled up in the web of pornography addiction with constant struggle to break free. They can't help themselves...the two letter word should come to play here Say NO.

4.   SAY NO TO MASTURBATION: A lot of our brothers and sisters are entangled in this bad habit.. with the whole feeling of disgust these people swear not to resort to it but still find themselves in the acts...Say a determined NO and stick to it. It destroys lives.

5.   SAY NO TO PROSTITUTION: Sadly some of our young girls sleep around oftentimes with men old enough to be their fathers because of money that is not isn't enough to cater for all their needs. The funny thing is these girls crave to be better and lead responsible lives but do not know how to go about it. Say No today.

6.   SAY NO TO RAPE: What's the use waiting to pounce on unsuspecting victims (mostly women) to rape them and later wallow in regret. Most of our men both young and old are preying on innocent women and even kids like predators that when this urge comes it's often hard for them to fight. Say No today and resolve to stand your ground.

Above all SAY YES to exploring positive ideas, learning new skills that will better and not batter our conscience, reputation and most importantly our future. YES to getting busy while trying to overcome these addictions. YES to starting from somewhere no matter how small. YES to entrepreneurship. YES to being someone younger ones will gladly emulate. Stay focused and positive.

Did you learn anything from this post? Or you have something contrary to say? We would be glad to hear from you so please contact us via email: info@iykbethanygistville.com

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REDUCE YOUR ALCOHOL INTAKE

Alcohol is highly addictive! The problem is once you become dependent, you may not be able to stop even if it's killing you! You will helplessly prefer drinking to living. It affects virtually all the organs of the body thereby increasing the risk of liver damage, kidney failures, diabetes, stroke, hypertension, cancers, impotence/infertility, abnormalities and birth defects (if a pregnant mother consumes it) etc.

According to a recent BBC report, over 3 million bottles of codeine are consumed every day in northern Nigeria alone and this is the main reason the Federal government recently banned any cough syrup that contains codeine.  In another report, The Nigerian Senate estimates that as many as three million bottles of codeine syrup are drunk every single day in just two states, Kano and Jigawa.

With the high rate of mental illness across Nigeria due to alcohol and drug abuse,  I just wonder what Nigeria will look like in 10 years time. And the sad thing is, once someone develops a mental problem in Nigeria his or her family will blame witches, enemies or village people. Its sad and pathetic.

Did you also know that alcohol and drug abuse affects the mind, emotion and could also lead to difficulty in relationship with others, domestic violence, broken homes, challenges in workplace, academic problems, poor religious commitments, sleep problems, sex issues, accidents, depression, outburst of anger etc the list is just endless.

Excessive Alcohol intake has made beer parlor business a very lucrative one. I know of some people who just don't feel the same if they go a day without taking alcohol. Infact a man once said and I quote ''How do i survive without alcohol? Really? Also take a look at another man's budget for the month... He earns 100k monthly and his budget goes thus...Feeding allowance 20k...The children's school fees 20k and the rest goes to alcohol. To the disgust of their loved ones, they tend to be unapologetic as they helplessly prefer drinking to living. Alcoholism drains a man financially emotionally and otherwise.

Those in the rural areas are not left out in this addiction. Growing up in the village, youths do all kinds of menial jobs in the daytime ranging from cutting of palm fruits, bricklayer jobs, farming and so on just to squander the money in the evening at a local beer parlour.

In some villages also there are places where people gather to drink this locally made dry gin (ogogoro). People troop in to places like this when they can not afford beer to satisfy this alcohol urge...Men Women young men and young women alike.

An aged woman I once knew who took to alcohol (the ogogoro type) as a lifestyle. She would frequent these areas as soon as the cock crows, with or without money. Her Children did all in their power to stop her but every effort proved abortive. She continued pouring this chemical-like substance into her body even without proper food until her poor body couldn't take it anymore as the alcohol completely dried up all the blood in her body, she was as white as paper and she gave up.

Loosening the grip of alcohol on your life and health may be a long gradual process with failures that may make you feel powerless and weak-willed, but, never give up. Admit that you have a problem with alcohol and that you need help. List the benefits of stopping, and make a commitment to stop drinking. Avoid and get rid of every source of temptations. Find new ways of thinking and living.

Prepare for alcohol urges, cravings and triggers. If you must drink, please drink water! if it must be in a bottle please drink bottled water.

Did you learn anything from this post? Or you have something contrary to say? We would be glad to hear from you so please contact us via email: info@iykbethanygistville.com

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THE PARABLE OF THE PENCIL

THE PARABLE OF THE PENCIL

As Nigeria face numerous challenges on many fronts these days, one must go out today to be part of her solutions and not part of her problems. It is only by contributing to any and every community you find yourself that you can be an asset, don't be a liability or make a waste of your life, time, energy or talents. There is a moral lesson in this parable of the pencil. The pencil maker took the pencil aside, just before putting it into the box. "There are five things you need to know" he told the pencil, "Before I send you to be held in someone's hand"

One: "You'll be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in someone's hand".
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil".

Three: "You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make".
Four: "The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside". And
Five: " On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter the condition, you must continue to write".

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart. Now see yourselves as the pencil. Always remember them and never forget and you will become the best person you can be.

One "You will be able to do many great things, only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand, and allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess".

Two "You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time by going through various problems in life, but you need it to become a stronger person".
Three "You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make".

Four "The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside". And
Five "On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter the situation, you must continue to do your duties".
  
Allow this parable of the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose for which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

REMEMBER...... Life is an echo, it gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in this world, create more love in your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything in all aspects of life; life will give you back everything you have given to it. Your life is not a coincidence.....,it's a reflection of you.  

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WORK EXPERIENCE WAHALA IN OUR LABOUR MARKET

As the topic suggests, one will simply infer that the question of unemployment particularly among Nigerian graduates suffer a total neglect. It will not be out of place to regard the situation as a misplaced governmental task that is being compounded by ''WORK EXPERIENCE SYNDROME'' practiced in the Nigerian labor market. The syndrome of requisite ''work experience'' for employment in the labour market has become a pattern. Most employers of labour in both public and private sectors put up job advertisements insisting on requisite qualification and experience often longer than the entire duration of study a graduate must have had. Every day we come across job advertisements which requires that ONLY candidates with five, ten years 'work experience' or more should apply.

Puzzling!!! This means that the fresh graduate seeking for job is already disqualified by that singular requirement even though she or he may have the academic qualification and capacity to deliver on the job even without prior work experience. This syndrome is mostly the reason for the ever growing  trend of unemployment in that , it even takes established worker (those with the work experience) time to change jobs let alone a fresh graduate who is yearning for a job to make ends meet and make his or her parents proud and even to contribute his or her quota to the societal development.

Yes we know that experience is the best teacher but employment consideration in Naija is just meting out injustice on a good number of Nigerian graduates if we count solely on this work experience thingy. It will make more sense if both the public and private sectors adopt the practice in most developed countries where employers employ young and fresh graduates and take them through refresher and induction courses to prepare them to suitably fit the operations of their new job. This approach will be more meaningful after all they graduated to be versatile in all human endeavors.

In Nigeria, ''only those who work on the altar eat on the altar, you should not expect to reap where you did not sow'' this is the philosophy backing this syndrome. Yes in other words if you do not have an Oga at the top you cannot benefit from existing employment opportunities...the demand for bribe becomes the norm. You haven't heard it all, some employers in certain establishments sexually exploit female job-seekers before granting them employment.

The unwilling ones are despised and denied such jobs. An individual (a civil servant) who ought to retire at a certain age will just go and falsify (reduce) his or her age (football age) thereby aggravating the unemployment trend so far as the civil servant does not die, he or she remains there till eternity to the detriment of a young and fresh graduate who find it extremely difficult to secure a job.

Did you learn anything from this post? Or you have something contrary to say? We would be glad to hear from you so please contact us via email: info@iykbethanygistville.com

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